I have played many roles in my life.  Mother, daughter, wife, granddaughter, grandmother, daughter in law, mother in law, professional, student, and teacher, and the list could go on.  My piece today explains how we can get lost falling into a role and lose ourselves due to the expectations put on us by others.  I was put into a place where others felt I should act a certain way because I own a specific title.  Although titles come with some expected behaviors, they do not define who we should be or who we are.  It demonstrates how people can put us into a role with specific characteristics and limits.  They set boundaries and try to define who we are rather than seeing who God really made.

Even though I have played many roles the most important is myself.  See these roles are only titles.  We have to display our true heart in each of these roles and not be forced into something we are not.  If we hold in and suppress ourselves, we are in danger of not living free as God wanted us to.  Suppressing our true selves also keeps us from loving others completely.  If we suppress ourselves for too long the very worst in who we are can come out.  We also should never judge another person by the role they are in at a certain time of life.  Telling someone you should act more like a “daughter”, “mother”, or some other title places restrictions on that person.  It holds that person back from being all they can be and all that God intends for them to be.

As you read today try to reflect your roles and if you are sacrificing yourself for unrealistic expectations.  Think back if you have been in this situation or if you have put someone else in this situation.  Even though we all have different roles in different seasons of our lives, we must remain true to ourselves and flourish to be all God intended us to be!

My Role

I have played the role for years.

Doing what’s expected.

Being the good girl.

The good girl who does what society wants.

 

No matter the hurt caused on the inside.

No matter the pain hidden.

No matter the damage left.

I always played the good girl.

 

So the one time I no longer play the good girl.

The one time when I release all the pain.

I am seen as selfish and cold.

I am seen as not being a Christian.

 

This time I’m looked upon as the bitch.

The girl who chose to speak the truth,

Is then seen as the pitied one filled with rage.

Rage brought about by her own choices.

 

I just can not keep it all inside anymore.

I never set out to hurt anyone.

I never wanted to separate anyone from anyone else.

I just feared my heart would explode and my mind would go crazy.

If I did not speak the truths.

 

So do I remain the bottled up Christian?

Am I the good girl of the world because I do not come forth?

Do I pass the days remaining silent in order to make others happy?

Or am I me?        

 

Or do I live the true me?

Free to breath deeply with my heart relieved.

Free to know my soul said the right things.

Free to rest in knowing I was truthful in protecting myself.

 

Consequences of my choice are difficult.

But do I save myself or do I throw myself into the world?

To be tied down and beaten by fakeness,

Or to be squashed by my own religion?

 

My choice was difficult.

I knew the consequences would not be positive.

But we do what is necessary to survive mentally.

That is the only way we can save our soul and our mind from oneself.

 

I become weary of being the good girl.

 Lori Rennae Hickman Chapman

As your roles change, never let the light of yourself die out.  You must feed the light to be stronger than any title.  There are many people in this world that hold many titles, but no one holds who you are!  You are unique, different, and special!  No matter your title wear yourself freely and proudly for God in this world!  So sometimes you got to just light up the world!!

Love,

Rennae

 

 

Journey