Losing someone or something, like health, stability, or a home, can be very, very painful.  I wrote the piece today during a very painful time of loss in my life.  For a time prior to and after I wrote this piece, I faced many losses.  The first was seeing a decline in mine and my husband’s health.  I had faced a tumor on my kidney, but even worse, my husband had to go through open heart surgery.  During the surgery, he had a stroke and went into a coma.  We came very close to losing him.  Then in the middle of all this happening, my profession went through a life changing time, my children were all leaving for college presenting us with an empty nest, we lost my Mother after a long battle with Alzheimer’s, and our oldest son found out he had cancer.  In all of this, I almost lost myself.  I did not know who I was or who I was supposed to be.  I continued to lose one essential part of my life after another.  And it just would not stop!  It was beyond painful.

Finally, after prayer, talking and listening to God, the search for peace, time, therapy, and the support of family and friends, I was able to recover, especially by maintaining hope.  But many people do not have these types of support systems, or they do not realize they do.  To be in such a spot can make things seem very dark and lonely.  If you ever find yourself this lost, understand there are supports for you.  The supports are out there.  You must never give up hope!  Through all of my “appeared losses”, I came out with a huge amount of gains or wins!  My husband recovered fully, and even had to go through a second open heart surgery 5 years later that was very successful.  My husband and I were able to take several much needed, relaxing trips.  God gave us beautiful grandbabies during this time.  My professional life took a more positive turn that led to retirement.  My sweet Mama was not in pain any longer and at peace once again.  Our oldest son fought and beat cancer!  Our children continued working hard on their educations and careers.

The path is not always visible when you only see losses, but it is there leading to a brighter direction!  God is always there!  You will see that your loss will so help others in its own special way.  The loss will also help you to grow!  I certainly know there are many more  people out there that have been through much more than I have ever been through.  I talked about all of these losses this week, so you would know if I can make it through these times of loss, you can too!  Never forget, you are never alone.  A loss can truly be a win!

Loss

By losing everyone,

I am losing myself.

I don’t know my place in this world anymore.

There are so many losses.

 

I am no longer a daughter.

I am no longer a mother.

I am no longer a wife.

I am no longer a teacher.

 

When your place is being erased little by little,

Your hope weakens.

I am losing.

Losing the fight against loss.

 

What does it mean to be just me?

I’ve been for others so long.

I have no idea where I came from,

Or where I need to go.

 

Daughter, wife, teacher, and mother,

Dreams seem to be a thing of the past.

The joy seeps out of each day.

Smiles are harder to make as wrinkles of worry cover my face.

 

Losing is not about control.

Losing is not a about a destination.

It’s about the empty space in your heart.

Losing everyone is about losing yourself.

 

Please come back to me,

So I can know who I am again.

So I can love life again.

So I can be rich for my family once more.

Lori Rennae Hickman Chapman

All of our journeys are very different.  Time of our losses may be different for each of us, but hope and healing is always there no matter your time of suffering.  It will come!  There are always gains with the losses.  Not necessarily what we expect, but what we need!  I pray you and your families are safe and healthy.  We know God is helping all of us during this trying time in our country with this disease.  May you and your family be blessed this week!  Stay safe and protective.  My love goes to you and your family.  Always know someone is here for you!

Love,

Rennae

 

 

Journey